Beyond Waiting to Be Asked: Why Women Hesitate to Request Mentorship & How We Can Change It

Beyond Waiting to Be Asked: Why Women Hesitate to Request Mentorship & How We Can Change It

In June, I participated in a "Gender Responsive Research" learning session organized by Rising Scholars for their stewards. During our discussions, a surprising observation emerged: women consistently make fewer formal requests for mentorship compared to their male peers. We also see this pattern within the Rising Scholars community: in 2015 only 33% of mentees using the Rising Scholars (then AuthorAID) mentoring system were women.

It was initially surprising to me but after giving it some thought, I realised that the observation isn't isolated. It echoes research and experiences of women across academia, industry, and countless professional fields. Mentorship is undeniably a critical catalyst for career advancement, skill development, and confidence building. Yet, women seem less likely to actively seek out this vital resource. Why? And what does this mean for equity and inclusion in research and beyond?

Possible Reasons for the Hesitation

The reasons behind this disparity are complex and often rooted in systemic and cultural factors, and not individual shortcomings. For instance, women often internalize heightened performance standards, feeling they must be fully prepared or have a perfect plan before seeking guidance. This hesitancy is deeply tied to the imposter phenomenon, which fosters persistent self-doubt and the fear of being exposed as inadequate. As Maji and Dixit (2023) highlight, women who are more conscious of gender-based stigma are especially vulnerable to imposter feelings, leading them to question their worthiness of others’ time and support. Thoughts like “Why would this accomplished person want to invest in me?” reflect not just a lack of confidence, but a broader pattern of self-silencing driven by internalized bias and perceived inadequacy.  Someone in the learning session also mentioned that the lack of visible women role models and diverse mentors in senior positions makes mentorship seem less accessible or normative for women. Representation is crucial for demonstrating how to successfully navigate and actively seek guidance. Yet, a low number of women mentors, due to the relative low number of women in senior academic positions, can make it difficult for women starting out in research to find role models and mentors who share and recognize their experiences related to gender and academia. The relatively low number of women mentors is also reflected in the Rising Scholars community: in 2015 only 26.5% of Rising Scholars (then AuthorAID) mentors were women, in 2016 and 2017 this had increased slightly to 30% and 33% respectively. 

Furthermore, access to the informal networks where mentorship often arises is frequently inequitable. Unconscious bias can lead senior leaders to naturally mentor those who resemble them, often younger men, creating "boys' clubs" that are harder for women to penetrate, leaving them unaware of potential opportunities. Cultural and institutional barriers also play a significant role, as environments implicitly valuing stereotypically "masculine" traits like assertiveness can make women feel penalized for self-promotion or direct requests.

This hesitation isn't just a personal hurdle; it has broader implications. The gender disparity in mentorship influences women’s career progression by limiting their access to key projects, and high visibility opportunities. This also contributes to reduced retention, and women are more likely to struggle in fields like academia. Consequently, these fields suffer a loss of talent and innovation, missing out on the full potential and diverse perspectives of skilled women professionals and researchers whose growth and retention are directly supported by effective mentoring. Ultimately, having fewer senior women available to provide crucial mentorship perpetuates the cycle by leaving fewer role models and active mentors for the next generation, thereby reinforcing the initial gender disparity in mentorship.

How We Can Foster More Equitable Mentorship Seeking

Creating an environment where women feel empowered and comfortable seeking mentorship requires intentional effort from individuals and institutions:

For Individuals (Potential Mentees & Mentors):

• Normalize Asking: Talk openly about mentorship. Share your own experiences (both seeking and providing). Make it clear that asking is expected and encouraged.
• Reframe the Ask: Emphasize that mentorship is a mutually beneficial relationship, not just a one-way imposition. Mentees bring fresh perspectives and energy. Highlight how mentoring contributes to leadership development and legacy building.
• Be Specific & Prepared: When asking, be clear about what you hope to gain (e.g., "I admire your work in X, could we chat for 20 mins about navigating Y?"). This shows respect for their time.
• Challenge Assumptions (Mentors): Actively look beyond your immediate network. Proactively reach out to promising women researchers and offer informal chats or express openness to mentorship. Don't wait for the "perfect" ask.
• Build Confidence: Encourage women peers to recognize their achievements and value. Remind them that seeking guidance is a sign of strength and commitment to growth, not weakness.

For Institutions

• Implement Structured Mentorship Programs: Formal programs remove the burden of the "cold ask." Ensure these programs are well-designed, supported, and actively promote participation from underrepresented groups. Pairing shouldn't rely solely on self-nomination.
• Train Mentors (Especially Men): Provide training on unconscious bias, active sponsorship, and creating inclusive mentoring relationships. Equip mentors to recognize potential in diverse individuals.
• Amplify Diverse Role Models: Showcase successful women researchers at all levels, highlighting their career paths and their experiences with mentors (giving and receiving). Feature them in talks, newsletters, and leadership positions.
• Foster Inclusive Cultures: Actively address bias in promotion, networking opportunities, and workload distribution. Create safe channels for reporting concerns about exclusionary behaviour.
• Communicate the Expectation: Leadership must explicitly state that seeking mentorship is encouraged and valued for all researchers. Normalize it as part of professional development.
• Support Mentorship Networks: Provide resources and recognition for peer mentoring circles and affinity groups for women researchers.

Moving Forward

The observation from our learning session was insightful. It highlights an invisible barrier to equity. Mentorship is a critical component for professional success. Understanding why women might hesitate to ask and taking concrete steps to dismantle those barriers is important for equitable research. In addition, achieving equitable mentorship requires collective responsibility and systemic change, with the long-term potential to transform research cultures by strengthening retention, diversifying leadership, and ensuring talent is not lost to invisible barriers.

Thumbnail and first image: Getty Images on Unsplash+

Second image: Kuliaton on Unsplash+

Third image: Aditya Sahu on Unsplash+